The 45-Year Experiment

I was born in 1980 with a brain that ran on fascination, not discipline.

Childhood was tinkering. Taking things apart to see how they worked. Getting lost in experiments for hours. Couldn't sit still through boring tasks but could hyperfocus on puzzles all day.

I thought I was broken.

In my 20s and 30s, I tried to fix myself. Productivity systems, discipline frameworks, morning routines, habit stacking. Read GTD cover to cover. Tried Pomodoro. Attempted to "eat the frog."

Failed spectacularly. Repeatedly. Hilariously.

"I wasn't failing at discipline. I was succeeding at something else."

But I kept noticing something: Whenever I was tinkering, experimenting, playing with ideas—I could work for 12 hours and feel energized. The moment I tried to force discipline, everything ground to a halt.

I didn't understand WHY yet. I just kept experimenting because that's all my brain knew how to do.

In my 30s and early 40s, the pattern became impossible to ignore.

Years of failed productivity experiments + years of successful tinkering = data.

I started documenting what actually worked. Not what should work, not what the books said, but what my brain actually DID when it was functioning well.

The pattern: Experimentation worked. Forcing never did.

Then I found the neuroscience research backing it. Attention modulation. Cognitive flexibility. Frame-switching. Fascination-driven learning. Dopamine and curiosity loops.

Holy shit. There was a SYSTEM here. Not personality quirks. Not "just how I'm wired." But replicable cognitive architecture.

RAYGUN started emerging from 45 years of accidental data.

Most people would grind through that diagnosis. Panic. Force solutions. Try harder.

I did the opposite.

"Turns out mortality is just another constraint to experiment with."

I treated my own health—my own mortality—as the ultimate puzzle.

Started building:

• Protocol Memory: Cognitive infrastructure for human-AI partnership
• FlowScript: Topographical language for high-bandwidth thinking
• RAYGUN: The complete framework you're reading now

And I noticed something extraordinary.

The more I experimented instead of grinding, the calmer I felt. Less anxiety meant fewer mast cell reactions. Fewer reactions meant less physical harm across all systems.

The framework wasn't just helping me work. It was helping me survive. And it drove massive success in my life and career over the past 5 years.

Has RAYGUN extended my life?

I genuinely believe so.

By how much? I don't know. All I know is:

• My stress levels dropped dramatically
• My physical reactions decreased
• My health stabilized instead of continuing to decline
• I'm still here, still building, still experimenting

By staying in experiment mode—treating constraints as puzzles, running small tests, following fascination—I reduced the anxiety that was accelerating harm.

"Every hour experimenting instead of grinding is an hour my body isn't attacking itself."

How much longer do I have? Could be years, could be decades. The medical reality is complex and uncertain.

But I know this: The framework keeping me calm is the same one I'm sharing with you.

RAYGUN is both the methodology AND the proof. It's how I stay alive.

I could keep this private. It's working for me.

But here's the thing:

If treating your constraints as experiments can help someone manage serious health conditions, imagine what it can do for burnout. For stress. For depression. For whatever's grinding you down.

My constraints are mast cell disease, kidney problems, heart issues. Yours might be different.

But the principle is the same: Experiment with what's constraining you instead of grinding against it.

I built RAYGUN to stay functional while managing serious health realities. It worked.

Now I'm sharing it not because I'm running out of time, but because the framework that's keeping me stable might help you too.

"This is what worked for one mad scientist over 45 years of experiments. Your turn."